On Keeping a Journal. Superficial to understand the journal as just a receptacle for one’s private, secret thoughts — like a confidante who is deaf, dumb and illiterate. In the journal I do not just express myself more openly than I could to any person; I create myself. Which is a good thing because i just had an epiphany about creating myself. i was walking by the market, the one that keeps all of its fruits and vegetables outside because they don't have space inside or because they're conducting an experiment to see how many people steal apples when they think no one's looking and in two years your face is going to be on the cover of some book they're going to publish about morality in American society and how it doesn't exist and our default setting is really lawlessness which is why we have laws so that we'll forego our natural tendency to steal apples and stab people. but here's the thing. i realize that a grapefruit would make the perfect breast implant. or piece of fruit to stick in your bra (okay, i mean my bra). there's a flat side that would rest perfectly against your skin, and then there's a more rounded side, that almost comes to a point. now you'd have to be careful about picking the right grapefruit because some come to a really sharp point and that would just look stupid. but i'm pretty convinced they would look good. and if they didn't, i really like grapefruits anyway. so i wouldn't hold it against the grapefruits. i would just call it a good try.

and thanks to susan sontag for that quote about keeping a journal. it's hers, and i know she'd be proud to see it juxtaposed with a suggestion of using fruit to enhance your cleavage. fine, my cleavage.

the reason why i don't think i'll ever be able to go into marketing is because you have to be able to stand in front of a group of colleagues, and with a straight face say, "these are breakthrough binders." breakthroughs happen in cancer research. in AIDS research. i'm not convinced they happen in binders. granted, our little marvels are made out of shiny cardboard and they do have a nifty design printed on them that some graphic designer thought through for about 60 seconds, i somehow think that our participants won't leap from their chairs with joy when we hand them out at a meeting. "boy, the war in iraq really sucks, but i can't seem to get my mind off this binder." nor will they fall off their chairs with youthful glee. i think they will remain seated. and not notice a thing. or maybe they'll just pretend they don't notice, you know, to fuck with me. inside their hearts will be racing. they'll be wishing they'd created such a binder. that it was their idea. that they worked for such an innovative organization. one that had the foresight to see that happiness doesn't come from doing what you love or loving what you do or whatever crap those treehugging hippies say. it comes from binders. breakthrough binders.

it's my goal by the end of the year to stop handing out binders. you know, to save the world, and all that good stuff. also because i'm too lazy to make a memo that tells our production guy to what i need printed. my poor marketing person will think that i just don't understand the value of his breakthrough binder. I think I'll just hit him over the head with it.

oh hi

i upgraded your RARRRRRRRRR