Aquafresh and Crest: A Tale of Passion

There are two things in the world about which I am passionate. Which I am passionate about. One is classical music and the other is global politics. Oh, who am I kidding? One is travel-sized toothpaste and the other is umbrellas. When I walk into Duane Reade, I forget what brought me there in the first place and I find myself, inexplicably, in the travel section and somehow become convinced that I should get an extra travel toothpaste just in case. It's not that I travel a lot, but I might. And even if I'm not traveling, maybe it would be nice to keep one in my purse so that I could brush my teeth after working out. Or if I have garlic for lunch. Because I probably didn't steal the one they supplied me with at the Jersey City Hyatt last week. The one that pleasantly surprised me, just sitting on the bathroom vanity, like they knew something about me, like they cared and understood that I might have forgotten toothpaste and I would be happy to see that there, even after I had purchased and extra one thinking it would be embarassing to be at a conference and not be able to brush my teeth properly. Which was an extra on top of the one that I was carrying around in my purse because I'm officially obsessed with travel toothpaste. Which will eventually go in my stock of travel things in my linen closet which surprisingly is heavily biased toward travel toothpaste. My stock of travel things, that is. Not my linen clost. I have a lot of towels and sheets.

And umbrellas. The thing is that I don't carry them around all the time because they're heavy (unlike travel toothpaste), so when I most need one, I find myself wishing I'd listened to the weather forecast in the morning and taken one of the dozen or so I have lying around my apartment. Oh, maybe that's why I was in Duane Reade. Buying an umbrella. And it's usually on the heels of getting completely soaked, so sometimes I also buy a disposable poncho. Even if it's the kid sized one because it's really just a trash bag and trash bags, even in kids sizes, are pretty big.

And there's a third thing I'm passionate about and it's paper products like tissues and paper towels and toilet paper. Don't worry. I'm not going to say, "who am I kidding? It's soap operas." Because I don't watch soap operas. Well, I did for a time because there was a woman on One Life to Live who was the mom of one of my brother's friends. And that drew us in, but the plot kept us going. Religiously. But that was a long time ago. I don't get home early enough for soap operas now and I don't have one of those things that tapes TV shows and I guess I could use hulu.com but right now, it really is paper products I'm talking about. Because having them makes me feel safe. Or maybe not having them makes me anxious. Maybe those two are the same.